Passion. Grief. Self-deception. Conviction. Illumination. Pointed humor. Repentance. Creativity. Conviction. Dedication. True love. Godly love. The poem I’ll Wait for You by Janette…ikz contains it all. It is a poem that I strongly suggest all singles to listen to… all singles being everyone who is not married. In fact, all who are married should give it a listen as it gives great insight into the struggles of a single person and helpful counsel for you to utilize when with singles.
I know the struggles of being single. I know the struggles from being in a relationship but living sexually pure. Having a view of purity that is not self-focused but rather focused on the glory of God and with deep love for my future spouse reduced the weight of living under a condemning law. It freed me to have a servant’s heart in regards to my sexuality. The focus of purity also kept my view of sex beautiful as the Bible intends for sex to be viewed in the covenant of marriage between one man and one woman. Having this mindset did not reduce my passion and lust, but it made it more manageable because I was living unto the expressed will of God (1 Thessalonians 4:3. For more on this listen to The Will of God from Oasis Christian Community). In the end, by the grace of God, I maintained my sexual purity and entered my marriage as a virgin. Now, I enjoy the purity of sex within the marriage covenant with my lovely wife.
Knowing the struggles against the pressures of society, peer pressure, and internal lust in regards to sexuality causes me to have great compassion on those who are single. It can seem much easier to give in to the pressures, yet do so with the self-deceiving excuses of “this will keep the person around”, “this will show my love”, “it is no big deal”, “they will change”, “we are married in our hearts”, “it is ok as long as we are in love”, “it is only sex”, “if it hurts anyone, it will only be me”, “we’re going to get married anyways”, “it would be against my biological desires as God made me not to”, and on, and on, and on. In the end, all of the self-deception comes down to, “I don’t trust God in this area of my life. When it comes to sex, I am my own god”. Ironically, claiming to be your own god means you are actually a slave to sin. A slave deluded into thinking that you are a in control.
It is one thing for a non-Christian to live under the slavery of their sex drive and act upon their sexual impulses without much reservation, and even a form of celebration when engaging in sex outside of marriage. They are simply living out their passions under the illusion of freedom that sin sometimes provides.
For Christians it is another story. It is a sad story. My heart aches and I have compassion and understanding for those Christians who have given into their lust, but have a repentant heart and then strive through the power of Christ to live sexually celibate until marriage. It is those who boldly profess faith in Christ yet unrepentantly and even cavalierly live sexually active lives that baffle, enrage, and sadden me all at the same time. Yes, we are all sinners who sin, even if redeemed sinners. But part of being a Christian is permitting the inward speaking of the Holy Spirit and the outward speaking of the Scriptures to change us inwardly and outwardly (in our living) into the image of Christ. For a person claiming to believe in Jesus to knowingly live contrary to God’s expressed will for our lives without repentance is stupefying.
All singles, especially Christian singles, heed the words of I’ll Wait for You. Let the Word of God penetrate your heart and become your food, supply, and strength as you wrestle with the passions and desires of the flesh. Remember that the God who created the universe, who created you, who died upon a cross for you out of love, has your best in mind. A young lady named Rashell Kimball has lived her life this way and with great insight said, “I’d rather do it right than do it right away” (check out a blog post based on that quote). Wise and godly words for all of us to heed.