High volume and high-intensity conflict between loved ones is great for daytime television talk shows. Epic emotional explosions or implosions of relationships is good for ratings and tends to be the stereotype of the “cause” of the dissolution or dissatisfaction of relationships.
Yet research by marriage research experts John and Julia Gottman demonstrates that the greater danger is the slow death of a relationship due to emotional disconnection. This happens as couples stop turning towards each other emotionally. The relationship is emotionally starved to death day-by-day until couples think that they have “fallen out of love.”
If you want to keep the fires of your relationship burning hot, seek her heart. Always.
Intentionally make time on a daily basis to feed her emotionally. Explore what makes her feel loved. Listen and ask about her dreams. Respond to her bids for your attention. Have fun together. Do little (and occasionally big) things to let her know that she is special and treasured.
As you seek her heart in the mundane aspects of life, you will fuel her with love and security. The two of you will be continually knit closer together on a heart level as a team. There will be a sense of confidence that no matter what the world throws your way, “we” can face it together as long as we both shall live.
Recently featured in the Rejoicing Rebecca newsletter as Relationship Commandment #8