Corrosive Grudges

Have you ever held onto a grudge?  That offense that slowly rots away at your soul. Those thoughts that seep like sewage to the surface every time you think about a person or that person’s name is mentioned. Given enough time you find it harder and harder to find any redeemable characteristic and attack any attempt to do so like a cornered viper.  Your joy drips away like water in a rusted-out bucket.

Sitting in a coffee shop yesterday I was exposed to a couple of sorority girls spewing forth their hatred for one of their sisters.  There wasn’t a sentence that did not have the “f-bomb” or other expletives interwoven two or three times into it when talking about this particular housemate.  The venting filled the room for over an hour before I made my way to the exit to rest my ears from the indirect verbal abuse.  Driving away I wondered how such corrosive attitudes could emerge among a group of girls who were supposed to be a close network, a sisterhood.  It wasn’t too long before I discovered the answer firsthand.

A few hours later I was staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror fighting the desire to explode in rage and wrestling with Jesus over a perceived injustice.  In the midst of a high tension environment I adjusted my life and ongoing plans to enable others to accomplish their plans.  The solution irked my soul. Every time I thought of the situation and those involved over the next couple of hours was like dripping battery acid on my heart. Burning. Corroding. Devouring.

Wrestling with Jesus in front of the mirror and then while sitting on my bed until late in the night slowly neutralized the acidic anger until I could relax and rest.  Even while typing this blog I am conscious of some acid reflux. If I were only to indulge a little bit in this desire I would certainly set myself on track to become just like those sorority girls.  Instead, I have chosen to take some more heavenly Tums in the form of prayer and Bible reading in order to allow the Lord to bring peace to my system and enable a restoration in my relationship with the other party.

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